I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
My life is pants optional.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
