would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
