you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
