maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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