I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
We got so high we made milksteak
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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