The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
