Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
