Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
