Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
