Have you finally orgasmed yet?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
