yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
So vagazzling was a success
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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