thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
