Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
