i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
