Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize