LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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