She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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