your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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