I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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