NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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