Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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