Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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