Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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