so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
