yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
