I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
we're so committed to being not committed
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
