I think my fart just growled at me.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
my poor anus
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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