I cannot find my penis.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
did you just send me my own nude
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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