I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I can't put those talents on a resume
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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