my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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