Little spoons don't ask big questions
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
