Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
