Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I would fuck him just for his dog
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
