He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
