I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
