How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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