Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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