Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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