i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
