forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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