Screwed.edu
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
