my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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