I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
