I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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