I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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