he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
