My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
This house was built for laser tag.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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