Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize