Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
