I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
