i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
