What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
