your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
this boner is exhausting
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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