I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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