Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
