I have demons in me.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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