Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
