you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
