3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
