M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
