I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
