after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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