he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize