i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
