And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize