Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
