So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
