8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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