yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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