I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
she looked like the before picture.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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